There was this point about two years ago where my communication with the outside world really started to slip (and by "outside world" I mean people outside my immedate vicinity.) As the work load from traveling and managing my brand started to pile up and get back logged, my ability to return texts and phone calls became increasingly worse. Eventually, it got so bad that expecting me to answer a phone call was laughable, unread texts were in the 100 range, emails 400.
The guilt of all my missed/ignored communication became what I called my "Social Debt", and it really showed me the meaning of the phrase "weight of the world". That guilty feeling of ignoring peoples outreach became a vicious cylce of ever piling messages and emails that was heavy. SUPER heavy. That weight pulled me to the rock bottom of a depression where I all but disappeared from the world. Fuck my phone, I couldn't even leave the house.
My social debt was drowning me.
Present day and my social debt is a dwarf of what it used to be. Missed calls are gone, text messages under 10, emails are (NEARLY) manageable. Ive been able to reconnect with friends I haven't been able to see in forever and it feels great. Hell, I might even go out and socialize a little. LOL. However, there are a few instances from my social debt that still reside in my brain that, for one reason or another, are just monsterous obstacles for me to conquer.
My friend Gravity was one of those obstacles. He caught me right as I was slipping into my darkness and is once of the first instances where I felt my disappearance was hurting my friends. As awful as I felt, I could never find the right words to just snap out of it and reconnect with this guy who is like family to me. It's like my mind was fucking broken.
I finally talked to Gravity today. It felt like forever ago since we spoke, but when he picked up the phone it immediately felt like yesterday. I'm not sure it took so long for my mind to get over this roadblock, but I'm glad it's finally over. The weight lifted from finally reconnecting with my old friend makes me feel fucking invincible.
Time to keep the ball rolling.